Fall

Life has been busy, so once again I won't make any excuses for not updating this blog.

Number one big change would have to be the birth of my third grandson, Evan Michael on October 8th. Everything went well and now I have a new "little man". Mason has now become my "middle man" and I guess that makes Sean my "big man"! What a pleasure grandchildren are.

A most amazing thing has happened to me this fall. I always was afraid to fly and really haven't done it much in the past. In September I went to a training seminar in Ft. Lauderdale, FL and of course had to fly. My supervisor was fired shortly before so I ended up making the flight by myself which I was actaully quite happy about because the man had started to drive me insane and the idea of traveling with him was just beyond what I felt I could endure. So off to the airport I went and the flight went well. I was able to call the hotel to get picked up at the airport, something I had never done and was quite proud of myself. I know these things are quite simple but for me, someone who hates to make phone calls and is afraid of trying new things because of the thoughts of failure, this is quite an accomplishment. I guess some of my past therapy has worked after all!

The training was excellent (Q'Straint) and within days I was flying home. I had a chance to take a bump but figure why bother, I don't have anywhere else to fly to. When I mentioned this fact to my guy, he replied something along the lines of "you could always come here". I was surprised because he had never mentioned me going to visit him and when I mentioned that to him he was surprised that I felt I needed an invitation. It was a pleasant surprise to me and now I regretted not making a trip to NC during the summer. Oh well.

A couple days later I was looking at the school calender and noticed we had a long weekend coming up. That night I was on the computer checking flights, talking to my guy on the phone and making plans for a trip to NC. The next day I ordered the tickets and last weekend I was flew to NC to spend a wonderful weekend with him.

I was nervous about this because even though we have been together almost two years, we had never really spent much time together for hours and hours much less spending even one night together. What if we found out that we really couldn't stand being together that long? We talked about this before I got there and I think we were both very pleasantly surprised and pleased to get along just great!

Now I'm looking at prices of tickets for another trip to visit for a longer time. So I have gone from fear of flying to a semi savy traveler looking at different flights going to different cities wondering if I should try different carriers to see which works best to get to my ultimate destination.

Once again I have to remind myself that change is good!

Returning to Normal

• Fall is coming soon.
• School is open again.
• I've returned to my driving job at school with added duties this year.
• I can put court behind me now from the accident.
• Mom is in rehab now and will soon be going into the nursing home to live.
• My friend Jody is going to start cleaning out Mom's house.
• Cory and Krista plan to remodel then moved into Mom's house in the future.
• My supervisor at my second job was fired.
• I think they think I'll be applying for the position but now I know that I belong behind the wheel of a school bus.
• Last weekend I got to spend time with my guy.
• I won't see him for months now. I'm sad, but accepting.
• Got a new roof on the house.
• Put in new windows.
• The garage is secure now with new "man" doors that lock and a window instead of a board in the wall!
• A new mantle on the fireplace! (made from wood from the old waterbed!)
• Went to Adirondacks with my friends, what a good relaxing time that I needed so badly.
• While going through my Mom's place, I found my baby shoes, made from white elk and costing $2.95.
• Also found my Dad's baby shoes and locks of his hair from his first haircut. What a blond he was and with curls.
• Learning much family history and finding wonderful family pictures.
• New baby coming within the next month, it's a Boy, Evan Michael.
• It has taken a while, but I finally feel like life is returning to normal just a tiny bit.

It's Been Ages... Again

Once again it has been ages since I have posted. So many things have happened that I don't even know where to start. So I guess I'll just give you a list

• My guy moved away.
• I was in an accident.
• I had many medical tests. Some were really strange but got good reports.
• I have sleep apnea and now using a cpap machine and I'm sleeping again!!!!!!!!
• I'm dreaming like crazy for the first time in many years.
• My guy came home for a visit. I can't wait until the next time.
• There is the possibility of being offered a full time job at my "second" job.
• Gas got so expensive I'm not even doing joy riding on the bike, just back and forth to work.
• Nicki was home for a few days for a visit.
• Friends from Canada came for a weekend visit.
• Another friend from Canada comes next week.
• I haven't seen one honey bee all summer long.
• Seen traps for the Ash borer beetle in local trees.
• To save gas, not mowing lawn very often, takes twice as long to mow so not sure I'm really saving anything.
• Letting the pool just sit this summer, sorry I even opened it, still thinking about filling it in.
• Had plumber come to fix the toilet, ended up getting new outdoor faucets, new water heater (other one was 35 years old) and today they are installing a new more energy efficient furnace.
• Not sure I ever want to drive school bus again.
• Still don't know if new baby due in October is a boy or a girl.
• Knitting baby things like crazy in gender neutral colors.
• Summer is going by too fast!
• Heading out in a few weeks for a motorcycle trip to the Adirondacks to meet many new friends from the Venturers.
• Had to postpone tattoo work planned for my back because of a slow healing wound/infection in my leg from the accident.
• I talk to my guy everyday.
• Been hot and humid but my fans are still working.
• Bought a new boxspring and mattress for my bedroom to help me sleep better.
• Getting rid of the waterbed in the guest bedroom.

A Doggie Tail (Tale)

In mid-March, I adopted a Saint Bernard that I named Penny. She is the third Saint that I have owned so there should have been no surprises. Each of my dogs has had their own special personality and caused their own frustrations. The number one thing I have learned with this dog, which is my first smooth-coated Saint, is that smooth-coated dog shed just as much as a rough-coated! The only other explanation for all the hair on the floor in my house is that I just don't remember how much more there may have been with the other dogs.

So now here it is the beginning of June and I decide that Penny seems to be pretty needy and likes to follow me from room to room so maybe she would stay right with me outside. Last night was the first test. I had been working on the pool, getting it ready to be started today so took Penny out with me and she did great, staying just a few feet away, peeing and pooping and then gladly going back into the house with me a little while later. Then just before going to bed I took her out and she peed while I sat on the deck praising her. No leash and she showed no desire to take off.

Now the next morning I'm beat from a not very restful night's sleep. My alarm goes off and I know I have to get up and hit the shower. Hey, Penny was so good, let's see what happens this morning. So out through the bedroom sliding door, I sit on the deck and off she goes to pee, then she moves off further to poop and then she looks at me as if to say "see ya", turns her back on me and away she goes to the woods working her way over to my Mom's. Of course I call her but get no response from her. I head back into the house, calling myself some names, throw on a pair of shorts, slip into some clogs and keep my football jersey jammies on. Get in the car, head down the road and when I get to the corner notice Penny at the house across the street from Mom's. I pull into their driveway, open the back door of the car, call Penny and she comes right over and into the car. I turn around for home, pull into the garage, close the door and we head back into the house with me praising Penny for coming and getting the car.

I head into the shower after calling my boss just to assure him that if anyone wondered where I was, that I was running late but would be into work in plenty of time to start and pretrip my bus. Into the shower I go, get out and get dressed then start to walk out into the kitchen, thinking how I'm making great time and I might get to work my normal early time. Then all of a sudden I notice that the dog isn't following me around. I look around from room to room and no dog! What the heck!

Then I notice it. I had never closed the sliding glass down in my bedroom! She is out on the loose again!!!! Once again I get into the car and head down the road. She isn't back at the neighbors so I turn around and head up into the subdivision up the hill from me but no sign of her. I head back into my yard and decide to drive back behind the house. Sure enough, I get back by Cory's "stuff" and there she is. I call her and she runs right over but I decide not to put her into the car, just let her run along side me. When I get back up to the house I just head right into the garage thinking she will follow me. WRONG!!! Down the driveway she heads out to the street. Thank Goodness I leave on a fairly quiet road, especially at 6:30AM. So I back the car out to the road and get out calling her after I open a couple car doors. She run back and forth on the road for a minute, I see a car coming and then she runs to me, past me and turns around and does the same thing in the opposite direction. The car passes by with no problem and then I figure I might as well walk back to the car and call her. She runs right over, hops into the front seat then crawls into the back seat.

Now my driveway is only 250 feet long, BUT, as I drive back into the garage, she shakes that big head of hers and the slobber goes everywhere! In the garage, I close the garage door then let her out of the car and we both walk into the house. She is panting like crazy so I refill her water bowl, grab the rest of my stuff for work and head back towards the garage. Penny spends her day in the laundryroom where I say Good-bye to her and out the door I go. I get back into the car (it had started to rain so no bike today) and pulled out, finally catching my breath and thinking "maybe this dog is more trouble then she is worth".

So now it's evening, Penny and I have been outside several times, always on the leash and I'm thinking "one of these days she is going to grow up and settle down". I must have been crazy for getting another dog! But I did get her and I'm sticking it out!

Just in case you are interested, I did get to work on time, 15 minutes later then I usually do, but in plenty of time to get my bus pretrip done along with my paperwork. I even had time to shut everything down and just relax a few minutes before heading down the road.

Tough days ahead

The last couple of weeks have been a bit rough. The days are drawing closer to the day my guy leaves to move to another state 600 miles away. I will only see him another time or two before he leaves and as much as I want to say I'm dealing with it, I can also feel myself falling apart.

If you watch Good Morning America, the weekend edition, then you have probably seen the bit they do every few weeks call "Three Words". The idea is to sum up your week in just three words. An interesting concept, somehow based on the idea of using only Two Words, but expanded to three. It also calls to mind the idea in "Eat, Pray, Love" when one person in the book asks another person what one word tells the most about that person. I decided that one word doesn't do it for me and picked the words "Sorrow" and "Strength" as I feel that from each Sorrow in my life I have gained great strength.

So now I'm going to try to put my feelings into a series of three word comments.

• He's moving away
• I'll miss him
• I love him
• Don't forget me
• Heart is breaking
• I'm so sad
• Please come visit
• Heart will mend
• I'll be fine
• I'll be stronger
• Never forget you
• Thanks for fun
• It was wonderful
• Always my friend
• Call me often
• Life goes on!

Happy Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day and I got an annual e-mail from a good friend that tells about how she reflects on Mother's Day each year and how wonderful motherhood is and how amazing her kids are, etc, etc.

Every year I get that e-mail and I'm so happy for my friend that she feels that way. My conclusion is about the same as hers but I go about it in such a different way.

I think I was a really crumby Mom. I was raised by a grandmother who did everything for me so I guess I kind of grew up thinking my whole life should revolve around me. I was spoiled rotten as a kid and I felt it should just continue into my adulthood. So I have my two kids, daughter Nicki and son Cory. I'm sure it didn't help, but when they were 4 and 2 years old, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, a rather extreme case. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and within a couple of years of having a massive heart attack due to my body going completely out of control. Of course one of the tricks your body/mind plays on you is that you think everything is just fine when really you are falling completely apart.

I did make a complete recovery but did go from having hyperthyroidism to hypothyroidism brought on by the radioactive iodine used on me wiping my thyroid right out. I was in such bad physical shape they didn't believe I could survive thyroid surgery. Mind you, this all happened in my early 20's, so I've been on thyroid medication for over 30 years.

I always use to say that my son turned out the way he did because of me being his mother and my daughter turned out the way she did in spite of me being her mother. Cory didn't have it easy during his childhood while Nicki always seemed to be able to breeze through life.

So now I'm in my mid 50's. Nicki and Cory are in their mid 30's. I couldn't be more proud of my kids! I don't try to take too much credit for how they have lived their lives. They have my genes so I guess there are things that can't be denied. I have seen them overcome some tough times in their lives, a child born with a disability, a divorce, addictions, watching their parents tear about their own lives in a divorce, changing jobs, listening to their mother rant when my life seemed to spiral completely out of control and so many other things that I've never been made aware. Oh yes, I'm proud off all their good things in life, producing wonderful children, working so hard at their jobs, having warm and caring homes, etc, etc. Those things are easy to be proud off. But I think I'm more proud of the rough time they have overcome and come out stronger people because of it!

So Happy Mother's Day to everyone.

A beautiful end to a dreay day

Yesterday was a rather cold damp type of day. I didn't do much outside at all. About 8PM I noticed the sun coming out and that it was raining so I figured there was a good chance of a rainbow and I was right!

The first three pictures are looking east at the rainbow. The fourth picture is what the clouds looked like at the time, looking west. The last picture is the clouds again while looking north. They were moving along at a pretty good clip.