Tough days ahead

The last couple of weeks have been a bit rough. The days are drawing closer to the day my guy leaves to move to another state 600 miles away. I will only see him another time or two before he leaves and as much as I want to say I'm dealing with it, I can also feel myself falling apart.

If you watch Good Morning America, the weekend edition, then you have probably seen the bit they do every few weeks call "Three Words". The idea is to sum up your week in just three words. An interesting concept, somehow based on the idea of using only Two Words, but expanded to three. It also calls to mind the idea in "Eat, Pray, Love" when one person in the book asks another person what one word tells the most about that person. I decided that one word doesn't do it for me and picked the words "Sorrow" and "Strength" as I feel that from each Sorrow in my life I have gained great strength.

So now I'm going to try to put my feelings into a series of three word comments.

• He's moving away
• I'll miss him
• I love him
• Don't forget me
• Heart is breaking
• I'm so sad
• Please come visit
• Heart will mend
• I'll be fine
• I'll be stronger
• Never forget you
• Thanks for fun
• It was wonderful
• Always my friend
• Call me often
• Life goes on!

Happy Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day and I got an annual e-mail from a good friend that tells about how she reflects on Mother's Day each year and how wonderful motherhood is and how amazing her kids are, etc, etc.

Every year I get that e-mail and I'm so happy for my friend that she feels that way. My conclusion is about the same as hers but I go about it in such a different way.

I think I was a really crumby Mom. I was raised by a grandmother who did everything for me so I guess I kind of grew up thinking my whole life should revolve around me. I was spoiled rotten as a kid and I felt it should just continue into my adulthood. So I have my two kids, daughter Nicki and son Cory. I'm sure it didn't help, but when they were 4 and 2 years old, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, a rather extreme case. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and within a couple of years of having a massive heart attack due to my body going completely out of control. Of course one of the tricks your body/mind plays on you is that you think everything is just fine when really you are falling completely apart.

I did make a complete recovery but did go from having hyperthyroidism to hypothyroidism brought on by the radioactive iodine used on me wiping my thyroid right out. I was in such bad physical shape they didn't believe I could survive thyroid surgery. Mind you, this all happened in my early 20's, so I've been on thyroid medication for over 30 years.

I always use to say that my son turned out the way he did because of me being his mother and my daughter turned out the way she did in spite of me being her mother. Cory didn't have it easy during his childhood while Nicki always seemed to be able to breeze through life.

So now I'm in my mid 50's. Nicki and Cory are in their mid 30's. I couldn't be more proud of my kids! I don't try to take too much credit for how they have lived their lives. They have my genes so I guess there are things that can't be denied. I have seen them overcome some tough times in their lives, a child born with a disability, a divorce, addictions, watching their parents tear about their own lives in a divorce, changing jobs, listening to their mother rant when my life seemed to spiral completely out of control and so many other things that I've never been made aware. Oh yes, I'm proud off all their good things in life, producing wonderful children, working so hard at their jobs, having warm and caring homes, etc, etc. Those things are easy to be proud off. But I think I'm more proud of the rough time they have overcome and come out stronger people because of it!

So Happy Mother's Day to everyone.

A beautiful end to a dreay day

Yesterday was a rather cold damp type of day. I didn't do much outside at all. About 8PM I noticed the sun coming out and that it was raining so I figured there was a good chance of a rainbow and I was right!

The first three pictures are looking east at the rainbow. The fourth picture is what the clouds looked like at the time, looking west. The last picture is the clouds again while looking north. They were moving along at a pretty good clip.

What a Week

What a week it turned out to be. I got my E-Z Passes on Wednesday, I got my passport on Thursday and sold my Yamaha FJR on Friday! I loved my FJR but just couldn't ride it anymore due to my back and hip problems. I hated to sell it, but it was silly to keep it if I couldn't ride it. I had taken it to Don George's Sports Center to sell on commission almost a year ago. Yesterday Steve, my salesman, called me and let me know he had a buyer. I had recently told Steve to get whatever he could for it, I just wanted the money. So I was very pleased when he told me what my cut would be after taking out the commission. I got more then I thought I would end up with.

Within a few hours I was at the store to sign the paperwork expecting to get a check for the amount owed me. Imagine my surprise when Steve walked up to me and handed me a fist full of $100 bills! I went right to the bank and deposited it, most going into paying towards my home equity principal and the rest going towards paying off the work I had done on my Venture last month.

So now I have enough money saved up to have the new windows put in the house that I need so badly. My bills will all be paid up and now I can save up for my trip this summer up to the Adirondacks to spend time with friends.

I did spend a little of the cash to take Cory, Krista and Mason out for dinner and then later downloaded some music from itunes (Carly Simon's new album, some Goo Goo Dolls, some Kingston Trio that I was missing [drats, I still can't find the Tattooed Lady song] and one cut by Chris LeDoux [Life is a Highway])

This morning I continue fighting the cold or sinus infection I picked up this week, a relatively mild case but annoying just the same! I vacuumed up massive amounts of Saint Bernard hair and now must fight my way through a mountain of mail and get some laundry done. I also put the finishing touches on a couple of knitting projects so I can get back to work on a big knitting project that I'm actually getting paid for. Cory will also be over later so we can get some trash out to the road for the townwide spring trash pickup. No wonder weekends fly by so fast! There is just too much to do!!!!!!

Progress

There are things I've been thinking about that I kept putting on the back burner. You know, kind of like Scarlett O'Hara from Gone with the Wind saying "tomorrow's another day". So last week I got my act together and got some stuff done.

Number one was applying for my passport. I blogged earlier about having to get another birth certificate and how quickly it arrived. Last Tuesday I stopped to the post office with all my paperwork and money and got the paperwork sent to the government. Yesterday I noticed that my check cleared. Today I got my new birth certificate returned to me with the notice that my passport had been approved. Yippee! Now it's just a matter of getting the actual passport.

Over the weekend my fella' was away, visiting North Carolina, where he is moving at the end of this month and we got talking about how nice it was that the E-Zpass works in so many different states. I mentioned to him how I had thought about getting one and with his encouragement, after we said good-bye I went to the computer and ordered them online. I say "them" because it ordered one for my car and one for my bike. Turns out if you have an E-Zpass on your motorcycle, it's cheaper then paying cash, so I figured I might as well get them both. You are allowed up to 4 passes per account. Today when I got them mail, there were my passes. WOW, that was fast.

So now a couple things I've been talking about doing for what seems like ages have now been done! Hmmm, so what should my next goal be?

I did take most of the day off from work. Yesterday I felt a bit of a sore throat. Just a tickle really, but enough to remind me that I hadn't been sick all winter, which is a real milestone for me. During the night I found myself waking up every hour during the entire night. When I woke up to get ready for work I realized that I really felt grummy and decided to call in sick. I took the dog out quickly then crawled back into bed and fell to sleep waking up shortly before my guy called me. After talking with him, I decided to call into my other job and tell them I wouldn't be in there either. I stayed in bed until after 10am. It was wonderful. My throat felt worse and then I started with some head congestion. Call me slow, but it was then I realized that it's probably my sinuses that are acting up. I decided to go to school and work in the afternoon. My sore throat just about all gone but now my nose is feeling a bit congested and I'm on the verge of a headache. Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel much better. We have a half day of school so a bunch of us will head out for breakfast in the morning between runs, then after the runs are all done I'll head to Aspire for the rest of the day. That's the plan anyway.