I'm just plain Mad

It's just one of those days. I'm mad/sad as Hell and know there's nothing I can do about it but vent through this blog. I hate it when life seems to go out of control. Even though I'm OK, a good friend is not and while I admire her strength and resolve, I'm still angry that she has to go through what she is going through.

I HATE CANCER!

Tomorrow it will be 35 years since my wonderful Maternal Gramma died of Cancer. It was also the same day I came home from the hospital with my new baby daughter. Gramma had lived with us since I was little girl and we had been very close. While I was pregnant I had the feeling that she would never hold my baby, the little girl she knew I was having while we were all saying it would be a boy. The day I went into labor, she had just undergone what was considered 4 major surgeries at the age of 79. Mom called to tell me that Gramma had survived the surgery, and I remember feeling what a relief. Within moments my water started to break. I gave birth the next morning and when Mom and Dad came to visit, I was assured that Gramma was doing just fine. Finally I was told that things weren't really going well, but that Gramma had been able to come out of her rantings of speaking to her lone gone brothers and sisters, put on her glasses, sit up in bed and look at pictures of my baby, say that she understood that I had a little girl, laid back in bed and went right back to her almost como like state. The next day I came home, then received the phone call that Gramma had died that morning.

Cancer, The Big C, the whispered word, the anger, the frustration, the secret, call it whatever you will, I hate it. It has taken my Grandmother, one of my uncles, two of my cousins at ages 25 and 51, brothers who ended up getting the same cancer, another cousin's wife, countless friends.

Tonight I got a call from a friend from work. After fighting off breast cancer about six years ago, she is now facing the fact that the cancer is now back in her body in her other breast. She has put on such a brave face for us all for so long and now that damn cancer is back in her body and she must once again put on the fight for her life. Last year she had told me she already had her funeral planned but we all had been so hopeful that she would still win the battle. After having a mammogram this morning, she knows there are seven tumors in her breast and two under her arm.

Below are two pictures of Laura from last spring when she and I went to do a little yard work at another friend's house who had been away for the winter.

Laura is always making me laugh and of course hamming it up for the camera, but now that I look at this picture it makes me think of her spirit and perhaps saying to the cancer, "kiss my ass cancer and get out of my body". Never give up the fight Laura!!!!