Have I changed?

Today I drove 31 kids, boys and girls to a cross country invitational meet. I knew it was going to be a fairly long day so I had my lunch, a book to finish reading plus a new book to start, my iPod and my knitting.

I knew both the male coaches, one being a neighbor and the other had been my son's special ed teacher back when Cory was in 8th grade. Over the years I had taken this coach and his team to out of town/overnight track meets so I've known Tom for a quite a while. Today after everyone else got off the bus, Tom says to me, "you know, you just never change". I laughed and said, "oh yes, I've changed a lot". With that Tom was off the bus and on to his coaching duties.

Now of course, you know me, I got thinking about Tom's comment and how I think I've changed. And I have come to this conclusion. I'm a much happier person then what I use to be. This is sort of an odd thing to say really, but in many ways I find I'm a much more serious person and I feel like I don't laugh as much as I use to and yet I truly do believe I'm a happier person and more content with my life.

The other night I was sitting on the couch watching TV and I started thinking how I was sort of lonely. Then I thought back on my past and remembered all the nights I was lonely. I suddenly realized that yes, I'm lonely some nights but what I find now is that at least I'm not miserable! I also say there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Most nights I'm just alone, it's just an occasional night that I'm lonely and I know that emotion is just a normal thing and nothing to worry about.

So have I changed? Maybe not to most people, but I know myself that I have changed and I like the change. More serious? More responsible? Better suited to face life's challenges? More determined? More tired? Much more Happy? Yep, I'm that and much more. I'm well on my way to becoming the person I never had the chance to be. I even think that I've earned the tattoo I've been planning for the last couple years, I think I'm finally ready!!

(someday, maybe I'll explain why the mermaid is such an important image to me)